Urgent Business
by Felix Rodriguez
Summary: The Happy Tree Friends are in a meeting to pick their new character! Starring Lumpy. One-shot.


And now for something completely different Happy Tree Friends!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Mondo Media does.

Note: As fans of the show know, the HTF characters don't "talk" per se, they rather mumble incoherently with a few lines of dialogue distinguishable. So if a character ever "speaks", imagine they are speaking it in the garbled way.

**Urgent** **Business**

**Starring: Lumpy**

**Featuring: Nutty, Toothy, and Flaky**

**(With appearances by everyone else, including Buddhist Monkey!)**

At the top floor of a tall building, none other than Lumpy the moose (dressed in a business suit, red tie, and glasses {with no lenses in them}) was mumbling and pointing at graphs with a pointer stick. Sitting at a long table, the other 20 Happy Tree Friends sat around, some listening intently, some bored, and even some asleep.

Lumpy irritatedly tapped the pointer stick onto the table, waking up those asleep. He then pointed to one graph which read "Happy Tree Friends popularity chart" which showed a rising red line indicating the shows popularity (the line went so high, in fact, in didn't fit on one page, and continued onto another one, crudely taped to the first page.) Lumpy then pointed to the sign next to the graph saying, "Why we need a new Happy Tree Friend."

Lumpy cleared his throat and asked, "So, anyone got any ideas?"

To Lumpy's left, Nutty eagerly raised his hand and giggled some. Lumpy noticed this and exclaimed, "Ah!" and pointed at Nutty. The others all turned their attention to him as he held up his design for the new Happy Tree Friend. They all stared with great promise, but their smiles faded while Lumpy asked, "Huh?" as they stared at Nutty's drawing, a candy cane with legs.

As Nutty giggled and laughed, he took just one piece of candy from the jar in front of him. He then dumped the contents of the jar into his mouth, and put the single piece he took out back in.

"MmmMMMMmmmm!" yelled Nutty at the sweetness of the candy as he laughed manically.

Lumpy sighed as he sat in his big chair at the end of the table. He opened up a console which had buttons with all the Happy Tree Friends's names on them. He then pressed a button which had Nutty's name on it. Instantly, Nutty was flung from his chair and through the ceiling. Outside, a screaming Nutty fell towards the ground, he looked down and noticed that he was headed for a giant inflatable bounce house.

Nutty said, "Phew," and giggled as he still fell. But, Nutty didn't hit the bounce house, and instead hit a dumpster right next to it, killing him on impact.

Back inside the building, the others looked at the hole in the ceiling made by Nutty's exit. At the end of the table, Lumpy cleared his throat again. This caused the others to look through papers around them to see if anything they had was presentable enough.

Next Toothy happily showed a picture of a what appeared to be a lemur. Lumpy looked at the picture several different ways before saying, "Eh" and pressed the button with Toothy's name on it.

Suddenly, into the room marched what appeared to be something looking like ED-209 from RoboCop, only with metallic Lumpy antlers. It then fired, not bullets, but sharp pencils at Toothy who had gotten up out of his seat and was trying to run away. It was all in vain as the pencils pierced Toothy in several places, catapulting his body back into his chair, where his body was sprung upwards, out of the roof. Somehow, Toothy's body landed into the same dumpster as Nutty's.

By now, everyone besides Lumpy was frightened for their lives as they tried to appease Lumpy with a decent new character.

A smiling Cub held up a little drawing of an airplane. Pop smiled and patted his son on the head.

Lumpy even gave a loud, "Aw!" and rest his back against his chair. But, Lumpy let his hand rest accidently on the console, pressing Cub's button. Cub was now hurled upwards through the ceiling, screaming. Pop gasped at the sight, and looked at the new hole in the ceiling.

"Um, uh oh," Lumpy said sheepishly. He smiled a fake smile and tried to turn his head away as Pop was now screaming in anger at Lumpy. Lumpy then tried to plug his ears to drown out Pop's yelling. Finally, Lumpy pushed Pop's button, which catapulted him out the ceiling as it did the others. The other Happy Tree Friends still searched for anything presentable to Lumpy.

Outside, a screaming Cub landed into the same dumpster as the others, followed closely by Pop. Several seconds later, a screaming Petunia also descended into the dumpster. She was followed by a burning Disco Bear, a headless Lifty, and a screaming Shifty.

Back in the office, Mime held up an imaginary paper and smiled, confident that his "drawing" would pass.

"Huh?" asked Lumpy, seeing nothing.

Mime waved his imaginary paper back and forth, but Lumpy just shrugged his shoulders and pressed Mime's button, sending him up and out of the ceiling to the awaiting dumpster.

The others still looked through their belongings. Handy unsuccessfully tried to reach his stack of papers and gave his typical angry look. Cuddles was sweating nervously as he shifted through the only piece of paper he had again and again, making Lumpy think he had more papers. Flaky went through her stack of papers very slowly and nervously. Buddhist Monkey and Russell were whistling as all they had drawn were bananas and oysters respectively. Instead of facing the table, The Mole was facing towards the window. And instead of looking for his papers, he was looking for the table to no avail.

Lumpy sighed and smacked his hand against his forehead, demanding a picture.

Splendid triumphantly hummed and showed a picture of a Happy Tree Friends looking like a bat. Lumpy thought carefully, nodded for a seconds, then thought again, and finally said, "Un-un." He pressed Splendid's button which, instead of catapulting him through the ceiling, produced two metal pincers from the table. One grabbed Splendid's throat while the other shoved a Kryponut down into his throat. As Splendid started to choke, he was then catapulted out of the ceiling. The Kryponut in his throat caused him to vomit, but due to his throat being blocked, the vomit collected in his stomach, which expanded, eventually exploding. The remains of Splendid (as well as most of his vomit) ended up in the dumpster with the remains of the others already in it.

Back in the office, Lumpy cleared his throat and the others all stopped looking. Lumpy looked over at Cro-Marmot, who had a picture in front of him ready to present. Lumpy reached out and took the picture. It appeared to be a panda.

Lumpy nodded and happily declared, "Uh huh!" As he looked at everyone else left. Several of them had attempted to hide to make sure Lumpy wouldn't notice them. Flaky even had one of her drawings covering her face.

"Huh?" Lumpy asked as he noticed Flaky's drawing. Wanting to see it closer he asked, "Can I see that?"

Flaky nervously passed him the drawing as Lumpy inspected it.

"Hmm," Lumpy said before finally laughing and nodding his head. "Ah ha!" Lumpy declared, ripping up Cro-Marmot's drawing and pinning Flaky's drawing up on the board. Cro-Marmot, obviously angry his drawing didn't win, began melting. Lumpy noticed this and pressed Cro-Marmot's button. The block of ice was too heavy to be flung upwards as Lumpy angrily pressed the button several more times.

Finally, Cro-Marmot was flung upwards, out of the ceiling, but he instantly came back through the ceiling crushing the relaxing Lumpy in his chair. The other members looked on at their chairman's death, but instantly forgot it as they heard the sounds of an ice cream truck from outside. (The truck must have extremely loud music to be heard on the top floor of a business building!)

The others all happily got up and started chatting as they left. Flippy left first, followed closing by the chatty Cuddles and Giggles. Then came Sniffles talking to a still-nervous Flaky, next Buddhist Monkey and Russell, and finally came Handy who gave his angry look at remembering he couldn't hold any ice cream.

The Mole, since he was facing the wrong way, walked towards the window and went straight through it, falling to his death.

Under Cro-Marmot, the crushed Lumpy twitched his hand one last time followed by an iris out.

**Moral: Give the people what they want! **

Ending Note: We'll find out the new character in my next Happy Tree Friends short.


End file.
